“LET ME HAVE MY BONUS!”

Baroness Young, R.I.P.

Let me have my bonus,
My work is truly done:
I made a speech and spoke up well
In Parliament where speakers dwell;
A 25th Report was made
And sent to every quarter
To tell them that the floods would come -
The rain would bring the water.

Rain upon the mountain,
And rain upon the hill.
We said the River Thames would rise,
The Severn also, no surprise.
The rivulets so thick with mud
Would hardly ease the flow;
With rills and culverts silted up,
Where would the waters go?

We should have dredged the rivers
To keep the channels clear;
The flood defences were ‘in store’,
We tried to use them once before,
But knowing where the floods would come,
A ‘psychic’ was instated . . .
The heavens split, the heavens poured -
The west was inundated.

Down the streets the waters ran
Deeper as they flowed;
Gushing into people’s rooms
Bringing misery and glooms;
Rising up the kitchen wall
And soaking every cranny,
Nook and cupboard, fridge and store
And terrifying Granny.

Now, let me have my bonus!
I did predict it well.
Give me twenty thousand K
And tell the floods to go away!
(My salary’s a hundred grand
And sixty thousand too!)
So let me cheer the flooded folk
And wish them ‘How de do!’

John Henry Pool, South Thanet Branch, U. K. Independence Party